in so many ways u love me just as i am not as i should b

I am a 18 year old Femal and i am at collage studying my passion to fufil my dream as having a careed in singing and song writting i am also in the worship team at opawa baptist church as a vocalist

Monday, December 05, 2005

updates and poems

POEM:

am i going back to where i was before i got well again?
hating food
hating me
being missrable
when i thought i was all better this thing comes back again it is like
a big pile of sinking sand i am stuck in
each time i go up 1 step towards freedom
i sink in another 3 steps to horror in my life
the thought last night where
how will i kill my self
drink poison
hang my self
over dose on somthing
but i did not tried the thought of suicid
thinking it would be easier off
ppl wnt miss me
thn i thnk of the pain
wn threw whn my uncle did the same
understanding the pain
i now have a nane for this thing
depression/eatingdisorder.

UPDATE:

HEY THERE AS most of you might have knowen that for a while i have not been my self and when i am in front of a plate of food i sum timezs cry coz i feal it is my owrst enimy and i have not been happy at all about things i hate going out and crying lots and not slepping at all. also with stress with other things and i have not been eating very much and lossing weight, last night i though of giving in like i attepmted last time but sumthing pulled me bck and thn i saw a show on tv about people who had killed them selves and i culd not believe that i was ready to do that last night, and this morning i wnt to the doc and he tlkd to me (b4 the show
) he weighed me and was not happy at my weight loss and things and i started crying and things like that and thn he tld me wht was going on and i did not think i could b back to b4 and now i am o n anti - depressants

hope fully i will be fealing like the oldme

updates and poems

POEM: